10 ways to be a super daughter-in-law
Here are a few tips to improve your relationship with your mom-in-law
One
of the biggest challenges of married life is to get along well with
your in laws. Though this goes for both partners in a marriage, it is
the woman who is affected the most.
According
to research around 60 per cent of all marriages suffer from tension
with mothers-in-law that is normally between the woman and her husband's
mother. The nagging, meddling mother-in-law is
often the cause of worry and the central idea that can help better the
situation is to have a positive attitude and to show respect to the
older woman.
Positive attitude
Just like being a daughter-in-law is
new to you taking up the role of a mother-in-law is new to her too.
Always try and convey a positive attitude towards her. The older woman
is probably just trying her best to fit into her role as a mom-in-law.
Equality
Try to treat your
mother-in-law and your mother equally. For example if you give your
mother a birthday gift, then give your mother-in-law a gift for her
birthday too. If you have children, then visit your mother and your
mother-in-law with similar frequency.
Sensitivity
The fact that the lady has
spent a significant part of her life raising her son may make her a
little sensitive when another person becomes the centre of attraction of
her son's life.
Though
most mothers do not consider her daughter-in-law competition, there are
some mothers who do. The ones whose life revolved around their child
for a long time because they are a single parent or had only one child
are the ones who are most likely to behave in this way. If, for example,
your mother-in-law mentions how much her son always liked her home
cooking, do not try to compete by asserting how much he likes your
cooking now. This would invariably hurt her.
Respect
Treat your mother-in-law
with respect. Consider her older and wiser. She may have been through a
lot of hardships in her life. In fact, talk to her and ask her about her
childhood, growing up, raising kids, and life experiences. When she
shares her life with you she will develop a liking for you and that can
lead to a strong bond between the two of you.
Expectations
Getting to know the family you
have married into may take time. Though most daughters-in-law are
welcomed into the family with open arms, do not get disheartened if it
does not happen. Give them time to know you better.
Be attentive
When your mother-in-law is
at home be attentive towards her. Sit and chat, show her around town,
and if she wants to help you prepare meals, then let her. You two can
get to know each other better and bond. If she prefers to sit around
being waited on hand and foot, then enlist your husband to help prepare
meals and clean up.
Information
Try to keep mother-in-law
informed; call and let her know about important events. Keep her in the
loop. If you have children, send pictures to your mother-in-law.
Grandmothers love getting pictures of their grandchildren.
Advice
Your mother-in-law has
years of experience. Don't hesitate to take her advice. You may disagree
with her and decide to not follow any of her suggestions, but be open
to different ideas, at least listen, show respect, and do not take any
advice as a personal attack. She is only trying to be helpful.
Children
Allow your mother-in-law to
take care of your children. For them their grandchildren are more
important than their own kids sometimes. If she wants to, let her spoil
them a little, i.e. she lets them stay slightly past their bedtime or
gives them some more chocolate than you would want to.
Communication
Try
and talk out things with the family. If something that someone said
hurt you, do not keep it bottled up inside you. Discuss with your
husband and your mother-in-law any slights or snubs and how it makes you
feel.
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